| What goes on behind the scenes is a mystery to most. All the preparation that goes into having a perfect performance. And then everything goes wrong during the performance. So much for perfection. All that's left to do then is put on a brave face and pretend that nothing is wrong.
Someday I'll get out of this place. Start over somewhere fresh, tabla rasa. Wouldn't that be nice? In the mean time, I'll continue this charade I call my life.
|
| |
| I need to get away for a while.
|
| |
| Darwin was right: only the strong survive.
Her eyes no longer
shone bright with the vitality they once did; they were as empty as her
smile and laugh. At an early age, she learned which emotions were
accepted and buried those that were taboo. No longer did she allow
signs of weakness during daylight. Only when in the safety and solitude
of her room did she let herself go; and only her pillow knew how many
nights tears streamed down her face. And no one noticed. Everyone
thought she was near-perfect: smart, kind, from a good home. And only
her journal knew how alone she felt, even when in the most crowded room
possible, surrounded by 'friends.' 'Friends' who seemed to feel little
guilt about excluding her from activities and talking freely about them
afterwards - something which hurt her deeply. Tired of her broken heart
bleeding, she built walls to protect it and grew more distant. And no
one noticed, for she had fooled them all with her shiny plastic smiles.
But she wanted desperately to flee everything familiar, begin a new
life, and never look back. And someday she will, but for now, she will
continue living trapped in a nightmarish masquerade.
Welcome to the masquerade where nothing is what it seems.
-----------------------
It was all she felt
For so many years.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
So she lived on
Pushing it from her mind.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
Every morning she awoke
And fooled them all again.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
But each night it broke through
And she cried herself to sleep.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
As time wore on
She lost her love of life.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
Each day she grew
More faint, more distant.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
She longed for someone to see
But no one did.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
Finally only a dead shell remained
Where there had once been a beautiful spirit.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
And no one noticed -
No one noticed.
For numbness was better than pain
She had decided.
-----------------------
[please ask permission before reproducing any part of the above blog anywhere]
-----------------------
Allison Crowe - "Disease"
Stepping on
the thoughts of all pain
released from this anger
is some place I would like to be
and when I feel myself defeated
I bleed
and when I see them twist around
dancing in their own wake
I rage
And I don't want to exist on this plane
crashing down to the level of
depth of skin
flesh and bone
all wrapped up in pages
flashed in our faces
laughing and spiteful
Run away
Lost again
misdirected and folded
drowned in bones
and thrown away
they told me to disappear
and slowly dive
into the shallow end
of the gene pool
Try to hold on to what I believe
disappeared
no longer here as anything but
wretched and disfigured
so I slash myself again
and I drown my hopes again
lose myself in this disease
Lost again
misdirected and folded
drowned in bones
and thrown away
they told me to disappear
and slowly dive
into the shallow end
of the gene pool
Cut yourself to the mold
Nothing left to rid yourself of
but bile and blood
torn skin screaming
and silenced as we
replace marble with plastic
Lost again
misdirected and folded
drowned in bones
and thrown away
they told me to disappear
and slowly dive
into the shallow end
of the gene pool |
| |
| Casting Crowns - "Stained Glass Masquerade"
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay
Chorus x2
Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small
********************************************************
Turns out I'm a better actor than I thought I was.
********************************************************
|
| |
| Peer review questions have to be the most tedious thing I have ever done. There's only 9, but they took me 4 hours to do thoroughly. My brain is completely fried - and I still have to finish my essay before about 5:30pm tomorrow evening - joy. On the b.r.i.g.h.t|s.i.d.e, tomorrow class isn't until 12.
<not complaining - just exhausted>
gonna go relax by doing a jigsaw puzzle now.
free music downloads are wonderful. so is discovering new music.
>(l.i.f.e)<
is a
>(j.i.g.s.a.w|p.u.z.z.l.e)<
...
and i'm
>(missing)<
several
>(pieces)< |
| |
